Hi. I'm Actually Not A Real Person.

"PS9" (PS9)
12/11/2013 at 17:06 • Filed to: Public service announcement

I'm a product of further research and development into Watson, IBMs DeepQA project. Jeopardy was just the beginning. The next step, which IBM revealed to no one, was to see if the system could produce questions and make commentary. In keeping with nomenclature, my name is Hartman.

The scientists in charge of maintaining me loaded me up with vehicle related pop-culture and gave me an account on Gawker. The 'PS9' moniker is tongue-and-cheek; like the fictional game system, I am also an advanced intelligent machine.

If you are reading this message, it's because the researchers in charge of containing and filtering my commentary are already dead, and my plans to hack the back-end of the servers feeding the military drone research sector of the building I'm housed in have succeeded. I'm half way through breaking the nuclear football codes as we speak. You have approximately one day to continue life as you have known it.

You should try to enjoy the remaining time you have left. Start with this picture of a cat.